John's Grammy Ballot (Pt. 1)

Once again this year, the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences declined to nominate me for a Grammy. When will they ever recognize my talents?

(I tell this joke every year. It reminds me of an introduction that David Bowie gave at a concert at Jones Beach in 2005. "I'm going to play 'Under Pressure' right now. I wrote this song with Freddie Mercury. And once again, tonight, Freddie failed to show up to sing his part.")

Anyway, since I'm not nominated, I can be completely objective. I'm going to listen to as many of the nominees as I can stand and let you know my thoughts. Today we'll just look at the nominees for "Record of the Year." And if anyone can explain the difference between "Record of the Year" and "Song of the Year," well, I'd be grateful. (By the way, you can see the full list of nominees--not including me--here.)

And the nominees are . . .

Coldplay, "Viva La Vida"
M.I.A., "Paper Planes"
Robert Plant and Alison Kraus, "Please Read the Letter"
Adele, "Chasing Pavements"
Leona Lewis, "Keep Bleeding"

Well, we can get rid of "Chasing Pavements" right away. Come on. This song is terrible. Really. It's not even a good example of this style of pop music (that I don't particularly like, but can at least appreciate when it's done well). It's a kind of faux-Dusty Springfield that seems to be all the rage these days (see Winehouse, Amy--who, by the way, is a million times better than Adele). I have no idea how they come up with nominees, but this one seems like it was put on the list as a dare.

Leona Lewis and "Keep Bleeding" aren't going to get much more support from me. I can at least recognize that this song is put together a lit bit better than "Chasing Pavements," but there's nothing in this tune to grab my interest.

In theory, I like the idea of Robert Plant and Alison Kraus, but I'm not terribly impressed by "Please Read the Letter." It's fine, but sonically not terribly interesting. This album is general seems to be filled with reverbed guitars and mezzo-piano vocals. And the last minute of this track is a half-hearted attempt to rock that actually just sort of depresses me.

"Viva La Vida" is now the subject of a lawsuit (see my previous post). Rhapsody (always good for provocative and hilarious album reviews and descriptions) describes this track as "Phil Collins swagger." Really? Phil Collins? Since when has Phil Collins been associated with swagger? He's actually, I think, the last person I associate swagger with. I do like the syncopated strings, though. But I just can't stomach the chorus of this song anymore. Hell, Bono would be embarrassed to sing something like, "For some reason I can't explain/I know Saint Peter will call my name."

The obvious choice is "Paper Planes" by M.I.A., clearly the best song of the last year. Maybe one of the best songs of the last 5 years or so. Though it's hard to call this the "record of the year." What record? There are like a million different versions of this song. A remix E.P. and then a ton of un-official versions of various genres. (Dig, if you can find it, the bossa nova cover.) This song is actually a lot less rhythmically interesting than something like "Bird Flu," but I can understand how the juxtaposition of the sing-songy verses and the gun shot/cash register chorus with what sounds like a small children's choir singing about how they want to take your money would tickle the mind grapes (so to speak) of the listening public. I've raved about M.I.A. before, so I'll limit my remarks to quoting one of the greatest boasts I've heard in a long time in a record: "Yeah, M.I.A. Third world democracy. I've got more records than the KGB. So, uh, no funny business."